Nov 22, 2011

Ceasefire.

In these last days running up to the Thanksgiving Holiday I've already lost count of how many times I've explained to polite, chatty fellow shoppers and tradespeople that I didn't grow up with this Holiday. That it's not something that's hugely important to us as I grew up in England and we don't celebrate it. Actually, the more that I think about it, I realize that I'm just kidding myself and it's actually a huge time for reflection and meditation in our lives. Even more than, say the New Year.

Our family recently visited Plimoth Plantation and saw a snapshot of how the English settlers and the Native People existed side-by-side. We learned that though we have a rose-colored impression of the Pilgrims and their neighbors sitting down and enjoyed a fine feast that first Thanksgiving, those facts are slightly skewed. There was much tension and distrust between the groups for a long period of time. The Pilgrims brought new strains of disease and infestations of insects with them that destroyed the ecosystems and wiped out the Native communities around them. Even the Pilgrims suffered on their journey, losing many of their group on the boats, and dying from the sickness and disease as they toiled to make a life under extremely hard circumstances. And the Native People had to adapt their way of life to co-exist with others who were very unlike them.

I've wondered, since our enlightening visit, about what made it possible for those communities to co-exist, albeit in a state of tension, and not turn to extreme violence or hatred. Alongside this I was unexpectedly reminded of one of my 'favorite' modern history stories about the trenches in the first World War. It was reported that soldiers put down their arms on Christmas Eve and met their enemies in No-Man's land, beyond the barbed wire. I understand that the men talked, mingled, even played soccer. They gave cigarettes to each other. They communicated in broken English, and sang carols together. And after this period of peace then they retreated and continued to shoot at each other as their commanders instructed. It must have been unbelievably painful for those men to attack their counterparts with whom they had just spent very possibly their own final hours.

Perhaps the reason that the Pilgrims and the Native People managed to get along to some degree, even with such suspicion and distrust, was that they had no-one telling them to destroy the other side. They were working it out for themselves, taking the resources that they had, and trying to move on. Existing under harsh conditions in their own 'no-man's land'. A place that felt barren and uncharted, and a possible hotbed of unrest or hatred between them and the people who were opposite to them in so many ways.

Recently, we made the decision to move on from our faith community and find a new church home. It was a long and painful time of decision making. The reasons are not really for discussion on this blog, but suffice to say it was not easy to make that choice. In fact, it's been extremely painful. We've discovered that when you leave your spiritual home of 11 years you don't just bounce lightheartedly to another church with a smile and a wave and begin over again. We've entered in to a place between familiarity and uncertainty where we're not sure what is going to happen.We leave behind the safety and comfort of knowing everyone and being a part of a team and a like-minded group. And there's an element of discomfort and misunderstanding from some people who don't understand or agree with our decision.

Is this a no-man's land? Maybe. It's definitely a scary place to be. It's also lonely, and exhausting as we try and break new ground and think about our next step. And there's a huge feeling of grief as we literally mourn the apparent richness and safety of what we've left behind. Mix anger, disappointment and sadness in with the grief and it's a cocktail of emotions that is exhausting to say the least. And it's something that I just can't fix, in the way that moms are supposed to do.

In our situation, as with the Pilgrims, and those soldiers of almost a century ago, something is present which I cannot dispute. Only God's grace and mercy can provide any peace in a place of desperation. As the Pilgrims broke new ground in a new land, and as the soldiers crooned Silent Night in the mire-laden farmlands of France, they had little hope in their own ability to make the situation turn out right. In the uncertainty of the future, we have to have a hope in something more. When we feel broken, we cannot lift ourselves up. Only a God who is all-seeing and all-loving can do that.

And that is one truth that I am truly thankful to know.

Oct 26, 2011

Ten life lessons I've learned from watching a small number of cable tv programs.

1. Cast iron cookware is the only way to get my food to taste amazing.

2. Always ask the seller to pay the closing costs when you're buying their house.

3. I may not know what to wear, but I should always try to wear an outfit rather than just clothes.

4. Couponing is a valid form of employment for people that have an addiction for dried pasta, shampoo-and-conditioner-in-one, and sloppy joe mix.

5. When my daughter buys her wedding dress she will never have to emotionally proclaim 'YES, this is the dress!'

6. Birth stories at 10am complete with video footage are not okay to watch on the tv screens in the gym. Never. Nada. No, no, no.

7.  People do really have bowls of lemons in the their kitchens.

8. Weird arty people with tattoos and beards make amazing birthday cakes.

9. There can NEVER be too many episodes of Top Gear.

10. Anyone with half a brain can install drywall.Getting it up or down a stairwell is a totally different matter.





Oct 25, 2011

The Happiest Place on Earth - or the very center of Hell?!

I am 4 months and 9 days older than Walt Disney World. I have never measured myself in Theme Park years, but it's a unique unit of time. My first visit to the Magic Kingdom saw us both as 7 year olds in the closing days of 1978. We both hit our first quarter century when I dragged my husband of 3 years along to experience the USA for his first time (the castle, at that time, was wrapped in a fake foam birthday cake). We saw Hurricane Charley together when we gathered with family and our 6 month old daughter in 2004. And this year we took our first stroller-less trip with our school age kids to explore these 107 acres through their perspective.

Disney World and I both hit the big four-oh this year. My celebration was magnificently small than theirs. I didn't have key rings or bumper stickers printed for people to buy and use. And I didn't charge $80 to come to my house to celebrate.

As a kid, I never wanted to think that the Magic Kingdom was simply a stage. Tomorrow Land left me with promises of space travel as easy as getting into a car. Frontier Land captured the idyllic days of the American Adventure experience by pioneers and big dreamers as they laid the plans for a great nation. Adventure Land was a place to join intrepid explorers as they battled pirates and jungle animals. And in Fantasy Land I bathed in the reassurance that the stories of our childhood were protected by Mr Disney; flying with Peter Pan, going on a ride through the dwarf's mine, or twirling in Alice's teacups. Pure Disney Magic.

There's a place in  the Park, directly between the entry to Splash Mountain and its neighbor the Runaway Mine Train, which can be described as the 'Antithesis of Happiness'. At a certain time of day, (somewhere between 12-3pm),  in the glare of the summer sun, it's a place where even the saintliest saint might utter a profanity which would make Mickey's ears ring. Infants, children, adults from all over the world are trapped in a bottle neck with pretty much one pathway in and out. There's no shade. Few benches, and thousands upon thousands of strollers. This social experiment in theme park planning, I am sure, is responsible for the destruction of many family vacations and bursts the bubble of glee that supposedly envelopes the footsore and dehydrated family as they prepare to stand in line for forty more minutes to experience a ride that lasts about 50 seconds. And it's the adults who do the most complaining and shouting. I know, because I stood in that line in August. And when it hadn't moved for 30 minutes I did some complaining and shouting, tried to analyze the reasons that the line wasn't moving, and took my kids away to raise their blood sugar levels with ice creams and lemonade. After that we all felt somewhat better. But at that point I knew I was in a theme park, surrounded by plastic buildings and people wearing costumes. And they were all looking a little dated. My gleeful bubble had well and truly popped.

What changes in our perspective to take away the wonderment that we have as children when we go to somewhere like Disney? Is it the fact that we can work out 'how they do it'? Have we seen too many behind the scenes tv programs that uncover the mysteries of Disney Imagineering? Or is it simply because in this technical age of instant gratification we're still not able to manipulate the line lengths, the behavior of our children, or find the stroller that the cast member (ie Disney Employee) moved because it was raining. I tend to think that it is the latter. Our eyes are on our smart phone apps, checking the line waiting times. We're making sure we use our Fast Passes at the right time (to jump to the front of the line), and continually texting family members to make sure that we know where we all are, what we're doing, and and what's next. And it's so easy to forget why we're there, and how our little ones are looking at this holy gathering place of their childhood dreams.

My kids can't wait to go back. And I'm sure that when the Magic Kingdom and I are both two years older and two years financially richer, we'll be back to enjoy the delights of Walt's innovation and imagination.  And I'll make sure that I step back into my own childhood sandals as I try and recapture that excitement I felt in 1978 with my eyes wide and expectations low.

If only the admission prices were the same as they were then...........

Aug 5, 2011

A camp-tastic summer.

As we motor through the summer, it's hard to believe that school starts in less than a month, and there are more weeks of school vacation behind us than in front. Our family has enjoyed a great balance of camps, weeks at home, and hanging out. Not being brought up with the concept of camps, I always imagined them as lengthy separation of child and parent a la the movie 'The Parent Trap'. I never knew that day camps existed in just about every shape and price bracket. And I'm thankful that we live in a town who provides fabulous parks and recreation facilities with which to make my kids exhausted.

But it's not as simple as packing your kid a lunch, snack, and a swimsuit and collecting them 6 hours later. Oh no. The Summer Camp learning curve is steep for novice parents; here are ten things that parents need to know about summer camps.

1. In order to register your child online when camp registration opens (usually March) you need to be armed with several laptops and willing volunteers to get the weeks you want. This year we saw camps fill within 7 minutes. It's the cyber equivalent to an in-line punch up when U2 tickets go on sale.

2. On the day that they take a trip to the museum, beach, aquarium, your kid becomes one of THOSE kids. The noisy, misbehaving, crazy kids that are part of a large group. The ones that you always complain about when you visit any of those places with your family. Get over it. They're allowed to be like that when they're with their camp group.

3. The horrible child from school will always be at your child's camp. And if you're really unlucky, so will their older brother. And their younger brother. And his evil twin.

4. In the course of the summer, your kids will collectively lose 3 towels, 4 water bottles, 2 and a half swimsuits, one lunch box, a sock and a pair of underpants. Yes, they WERE labeled, thank you for asking. Well maybe not the underpants - who labels those?!

5. You child won't remember the name of the counsellor they loved the most until 2 weeks after camp finishes and they wake up crying in the middle of the night because they think they will never see Sarah/Josh/Marty again.

6. There's ALWAYS a show on the last day. Parents have to arrive 30 mins early, sit on a hard seat, a bug-ridden field, or in a non air-conditioned hall. And we have to take video with our phones of our child doing a dance, running a race, or singing. Or all three. Lots and lots of video.

7. You will NEVER really know whether your child eats all the lunch or snack you send them with. The brown bag lunch was invented to make it possible for kids to pretend to eat food and then toss it away rather than put it back into a lunch box for mom to examine.

8. Camps that provide snacks can only produce ones that end in '-sicle'. Popsicle, fudgesicle, ice-creamsicle, goldfish-sicle.

9. You kid smells funny when they come home.

10. Never, NEVER, toss away the t-shirts that they acquire during the weeks of camp. It may threaten to discolor all your laundry, be day-glo green with a layer of fabric paint on top, or 9 sizes too big, but your kid will never forgive you if you dispose of them before January comes. At least you can use them to wear at the next camp so that they don't destroy their good clothes.

But look on the bright side - the likelihood of discovering that your child found their long-lost twin sister at camp is very slim. I think I'll just settle for stinky towels.

Jul 21, 2011

Pipe Dreams

Earlier this year we got to visit a great museum in the UK. Once a small working Victorian pottery factory when the air was black with carcinogenic smoke and choking soot, it's now a time piece in the middle of a disappearing industrial landscape. The best part about this museum, is an exhibition totally dedicated to the history of the toilet. It's name, of course, is 'Flushed with Pride'.



From the moment you enter the corridor recreated as a medieval street (complete with fake poop in the gutter and its authentic but fake farmyard-like stench), it's a totally absorbing piece of history. At first you're grossed out, but you soon marvel at the early engineering attempts of the Victorians to make the personal hygiene process cleaner and out-of-sight. (By the way, Thomas Crapper didn't invent the flushing toilet, he developed an idea already in existence). From Queen Elizabeth's second 'throne', to musical bedpans to spare the blushes of the more prudish Edwardians, and into today's Toto Technology. There's no doubt about it - the best seat in the house is now state-of-the art and design perfect.

But although we've come a long way since the middle ages, there's still one issue that I feel needs to be addressed.

Why, oh why, is the domestic flushing toilet (and its attached pipe work) in the USA SO ineffective?!!!

It should have been apparent that there is a problem the day we emigrated to the States and checked in to our hotel. Outside several rooms we noticed strange looking packages. White carrier bags with long orange handles sticking out. Little did we know that these were plungers. Not your average drain unblock-er, but what can only be described as a super-plunger. And it wasn't long before we got to see one in action........

I used to work in the Engineering department of a large university in London. My favorite part of the department was the fluids laboratory. At one end on a platform raised about 8 feet were three toilets. Behind them were hundreds of yards of clear pipes representing a domestic pipe and drainage system. And the research staff were working on many projects such as flushable toilet roll middles and colostomy bags, whether disposable diapers could ever be flushed. And really important stuff like that. I saw some very weird substances whizzing around those pipes let me tell you. It's cutting edge research with millions of pounds changing hands. And yet, my East Coast loo still struggles with toilet paper that has the word 'soft' in it's description. The kids are used to me saying 'hey use the other bathroom because we have to unblock the downstairs loo'. And there's been more than one red-faced guest asking if we - ahem - have a toilet plunger.

I get that it's about minimizing water consumption. And I know that a lot of the houses in the Boston area are old. But part of me does wonder if it's really a ruse cooked up between the toilet makers and the plunger manufacturers.  People will keep upgrading their toilets, wondering if that will solve the problems. And the super-plungers will be present in every home in the nation. And they'll split the profits equally. And maybe the drainpipe manufacturers are in on it too.

I am amazed that a great country that has put man on the moon can't quite get this right. Even spacemen don't have to plunge their lavatories. Maybe the guys at NASA could lend a hand in developing a decent loo. Now that the Shuttle program is done, I'm sure they might have a little spare time on their hands.

Jul 14, 2011

Capri sun and Jesus.

I love the summer in New England. After the insanely snowy winter we just had, it's a joy to feel the heat and humidity as we walk out the door. And as the kids grow, there's some emerging certainties about our summers;
  1. All previous consumption regulations about juice in a foil container become null and void.
  2. We'll discover at least 2 new Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavors.
  3. We'll lose 3 towels, 2 water bottles, one swimsuit and 3 flip flops at camps, even though they were labeled.
  4. We'll spend the GDP of a small African country on beach parking fees.
  5. The kids will attend at least 2 VBS weeks.
VBS (Vacation Bible School for our non-US readers) is something I've encountered in the last couple of years as my kids reach school age. Its name rolls awkwardly off the tongue and raises every anti-Christianeze hair on the back of my neck. I initially imagined rows of bright shiny faces dressed in their Sunday best on a weekday (!) and playing endless rounds of  'Find the bible verses' as they collected spiritual stickers on the backs of their bibles to take home to show their beaming parents.

How wrong I have been.

The VBS machine is huge. There are several large Christian publishing companies designing curriculum that a church can literally take as is and put together a week of activities based on a bible theme, character, or story. There are ready-made craft kits. The music, lyric, and stories are on dvd and cd, often purpose-written to tie in with the theme and pretty good. You can buy scenery, costumes, scripts, and just about everything. And it can all be adapted to your church size, your budget, and your target audience. (Some large churches get 300-400  kids!). There's always a water day, there's a fair consumption of snacks, and the kids get to do a 'show' at the end of the week for parents and friends. And I know this because last year I entered in to the world of running a VBS-style week at our church. Exhausting. Fun. And a real awakening into the vision and value of what a week like this means to a kid and ultimately their family.

As parents who consider themselves followers of Jesus, our goal is to point our children in that faith direction. We're firm believers that it's our responsibility as parents to spiritually lead our kids. Sunday kids programing, VBS, and kid's clubs can't do that on their own. Yet, they do have an important place in the lives of our kids and our family.

I have friends who don't consider themselves to persue a Christian faith but send their kids to VBS. Their thought is 'It's free/cheap, they are kept busy and having fun with other kids, and it's not teaching them to be morally corrupt'. Totally true. But I know that in amongst the games, crafts, and singing, my kids are thinking differently. They've realized that they have peers wanting to pursue a faith journey in the same direction. They see love-in-action as volunteers willingly spend their free time with them. And when they've forgotten the more cheesy-sounding songs, and the crafts have been 'recycled', they will still remember the stories and conversations that they heard as they explored faith together. And I like that. Very much.

I'm the eye-mom, and I'm a VBS groupie.


    Jul 13, 2011

    Sink or swim.

    We are very proud members of the YMCA. I love their core values,and the fact that the same staff have worked there teaching our kids since we joined five years ago.  I particularly love to swim and have been doing a ton lately. I've realized that it's the same people that pretty much come in at the same times on any given days. And they make a great study on human behavior. Or in other words, it's a people-watchers dream!

    Here are my favorite people:

    The mom in a hurry
    A former competitive swimmer, it's her one thirty minute break from her young kids twice a week. She thrashes up and down the pool, knowing that any moment one of the babysitters will appear to say that little Johnny or Jemima hasn't stopped screaming since she left the kidcare room, has vomited, and she needs to come to them immediately.

    The frugal senior gentleman.
    Wearing a pair of swim trunks that he bought for a cruise round the Greek Isles in 1969. Other swimmers aren't quite sure where to put their eyes and there's a notable sigh of relief echoing around the pool when he submerges his torso into the water. Note to all male swimmers; don't just assume that women need to increase their fabric to skin ratio as their bodies get older and change shape. It applies to you too.

    The flopper
    This swimmer is probably the weakest one in the pool. And yet because of their dying fly technique they manage to get a whole lap lane to themselves. No swimmer wants a black eye or the exhaustion of 40 minutes of aversion-swimming. That's when you have to time your push-offs and turns so that you're always going in the opposite direction. If you get stuck behind them you'll never get past unless you swim underneath them.

    The Russian ladies
    Pure theatre. These ladies speak very little English and sport a dazzling array of floral swimsuits, shower caps and attach every flotation device to themselves. I love watching them because they just float and talk but don't actually swim. Thankfully they use the recreation lane because I don't know how to say 'excuse me' in Russian.

    The manager
    Often a professional guy who could be in-between business meetings. Looks toned, has his waterproofed IPod under his swim cap and is on a timed mission to swim a mile. Yet he detests sharing a lane. Mr. Manager will negotiate with other swimmers to move over into other lanes till he gets a clear lane to himself.

    The Splasher
    Ahem. Guilty as charged. When a known Frugal Senior, Flopper, or Manager appears pool side, I'll get my kick board and charge down the pool making a tidal wave right behind me. Who wants to battle with that?

    That's my swim buddies. Who do you see at your pool or gym?