I didn't really grow up with any Advent practices. Each year, the presenters of a BBC children's magazine program attached four wire coat hangers together, wrapped them in tinsel (obviously not fire-retardant in the 1970's) and attached candle holders made from sticky-backed plastic to each corner. Dropped a candle in each one, and then proceeded to light a candle on the four programs before Christmas. This crudely constructed and lethal contraption was my introduction to the Advent season. No liturgy or study needed. Yet in recent years I've begun to understand more about this beautiful period in the church calendar as we prepare to celebrate Christ's birth in the Christian faith.
I have several friends who are wonderful writers, bloggers and creative people. (Hi folks, if you're reading this!) They write deeply about Advent from unique perspectives; each day I'm taking time to read their beautiful and poignant words and I feel richer in my spirit as I do so. Please keep them coming, by the way!
And yet, for me Advent feels like such a quagmire of emotions, mostly offering another chance to berate myself for my shortcomings in many areas. Why don't I have time to sit and write my thoughts every day like my peers - because I manage my time so exceptionally poorly. Why isn't my family sitting down for an hour together in peaceful solace each night as we burn another hour-long notch on our Advent candle and meditate together - because I made dinner too late, that's why. (It's also high unlikely that our kids can even spell meditate, let alone understand it what it means). And the chances that our nativity set will be out of the box before December 10th are either slim or zero. The Holy Family and their stable-mates will be in the box for a few more days and we won't be sitting gazing on them by the light of our candle any time soon.
I've managed to create an ideal scenario in my head. I'm trying to do something that I really know very little about, and I'm attempting to drag my family along with me. And in the same way that my Lenten abstention from chocolate is null and void after 48 hours, I'm already feeling like this season will be filed in the 'I really wanted to do it but failed miserably and maybe next year it'll really happen as I want it to' part of my brain.
In our church community we've just started a monthly families event, where we're exploring God's Big Plan for our lives and our families. Instead of the typical Christmas story which one might expect at an event like this, tonight we're going to be hearing about King David. Sure, we've all heard the verse where the Saviour was born in the town of David, and how Joseph was descended from David. We know about Old Testament Prophecies in Isaiah and from Samuel. And he was chosen by God - a shepherd, warrior, king, father, and in the words of many kids - a Superhero.
And yet, as I've re-read his story, I'm gripped by the part that talks about his heart. David was human, not a superhero. He listened to God, obeyed him, and was a great man who was loved by God and by man. But David was also an adulterer, a murderer, and showed weakness as a parent. He was fallible, and sometimes he chose poorly. And yet, in Psalm 51 we hear David pour out his lament as he repents and asks God to forgive him of his horrendous behaviour. And in many of the Psalms he asks God to CLEAN his heart and refresh his spirit. He doesn't just 'Give it to God', he tears open his heart and confesses his sins. Incredible.
Advent is a period of waiting. I've often heard it described as preparing our hearts and minds for the arrival of our King. I know that on any given day of the year, my heart most likely isn't ready - and that's not going to change just because we're on the run-up Christmas. And as we head into 2013 I'm still going to be waiting for God to come through in several areas. I'll still have unanswered prayers, sick friends, issues in my relationships with people, and my own roadblocks in my relationship with God. Just as I do right now during this time of Advent. But I'm realizing from David's story, his repentance and his willingness to let God perform heart surgery on him, that asking God to check my heart is a daily necessity. Not just something I do because the calendar tells me it's the right month.
So tonight we'll play catch-up as we put the first five characters into our Nativity Advent calendar. I'll let the kids eat five chocolates from their (other) advent calendars because I simply forgot to give the calendars to them last week. And I'll ditch the idea of making a Jesse Tree with them, because I've never done one before, it's going to add another thing to my pile, and the kids will see clearly that mom is resenting this whole Advent thing. And the Advent calendar will burn down a few notches at some point this week - and I'm actually really okay with all of this.
But what we did do this morning was read a bit of Psalm 51 together. And had a great conversation about whether we would be ready to receive Jesus on any day of the year. And it really looks like Advent in our house is going to be a messy mix - a little bit of Lent mixed with some St Valentine and a touch of Pentecost. And we're okay with that - any day of the year.
Peace during this Advent, and Christmas season.
